A friend of mine, who is usually so caring and open minded, but hates Donald Trump, posted a picture of a very fat woman wearing “Trump 2020” bikini on a comment on my Facebook page.

I was hurt, angry and frustrated. We are in the middle of BLM and Gay Pride Month but fatshaming is still an acceptable thing to make fun of.. that and “old people sex”, the latter will be the subject of another blog post.


Being heavy or fat is not a character flaw. Not like being racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic… those are character flaws.


People will argue that being fat is a choice just like being racist is, but they are wrong. Being fat is apart of who we are, just those who are tall or short, disabled, or have dark skin or blue eyes.


Being fat is not due to laziness and sloth.. just like Hispanics are not rapists and black people are not thugs and Native Americans are not drunks. But this is how a lot of people who identify with these characteristics are perceived to be.

Making fun of others doesn’t make you better. It just shows your weakness and flaws. Making fun of fat people and fatshaming them doesn’t make you thinner either.

Yes, I make fun of people who follow Donald Trump or who are conservative Christians because those are choices they make and whose policies hurt me and others. But I never make fun of their bodies, size, weight or what they wear. Only on their attitude and behavior.

My being fat doesn’t hurt anyone else. Anyone else being fat doesn’t hurt anyone else. My being fat doesn’t enact policies that hurt others.

Just like in BLM, Gay Rights and non-Christian religions, fat people just want the same rights as everyone has. And that includes the right to live without being made fun of.


The Shit List

I borrowed this idea from Lael-Heart at Heartstyle 

Passwords that don’t work, or at least don’t seem to transfer well between my desktop, laptop and cell phone.

WordPress’s “Block Editor”… maybe I just don’t understand how it works, but I’m not impressed with it.

Pain that nothing touches

People who don’t take this virus seriously and just flaunt their ignorance for the rest of the world to see.

Selfish people who live only for instant gratification.

I guess that’s not too bad, but any one of them seems like too much at the time.







A Woman Of Strength


A Strong Woman
Works Out To Keep Her Body In Shape
A Woman Of Strength 
Knows The Shape Of Her Soul Is What’s Important 
A Strong Woman
Isn’t Afraid Of Anything
A Woman Of Strength 
Shows Courage In The Midst Of Her Fear 
A Strong Woman
Won’t Let Anyone Get The Best Of Her
A Woman Of Strength 
Gives The Best Of Her To Everyone 
A Strong Woman
Makes Mistakes And Avoids The Same In The Future
A Woman Of Strength 
Realizes Life’s Mistakes Can Also Be The Life’s Lesson
You’re Here To Learn And Will Make Them Again If Need Be 
A Strong Woman
Walks Sure Footedly
A Woman Of Strength 
Knows She Will Recover If She Falls 
A Strong Woman
Wears The Look Of Confidence On Her Face
A Woman Of Strength 
Wears Grace 
A Strong Woman
Knows That She Is Strong Enough For The Journey
A Woman Of Strength 
Knows That It Is In The Journey She Will Become Strong 
Adapted from a poem by by Luke Easter

Be Yourself


I’m seeing a disturbing trend on blog posts and web articles these days, usually written by people who have limited knowledge about the sub group they are writing about. It seems like they are basing their opinion on the observation of one person and then deciding that ALL people like them do the same thing.

I’m seeing things like…

“All Boomers Believe This”

“All Millennials Do This”

“All Muslims Will Do This”

“All Gay People Will….”

“All Republicans Are…”

Well, you get the idea. I don’t know if this is due to a lack of experience, a lack of imagination or a lack of research, but there is definitely something missing. And apparently their opinion is fact or they wouldn’t say it, right?

Of course, there is no way everyone in any sub groups will believe, do, or act exactly the same. They may have similar ideas, but ultimately they are individuals and have the right to be treated as individuals first.

I am 69 and I’m a Baby Boomer. It wasn’t anything I planned just as a Millennial didn’t plan when they were born. I am a Liberal Democrat Atheist and I have friends and former classmates who are conservative Republican Christians. I still love sex but some  friends my age are more than done with that nonsense.

I have a lot in common with my 40 year old daughter in law and my 20 year old granddaughter, but there are also many things that we see differently. Which is the way it should be!!! That’s how we learn about differences!

We all inhabit overlapping sub groups for a variety of subjects from age to race to religion to size to ability and more. We each are not just one person, we are a combination.

It’s getting tiring and annoying to see a 27 year old writer tell a 67 year old woman how she should dress or demand that certain types of clothing should be removed from your wardrobe by the time you are 30.

It’s equally annoying to see a 60 year old writer tell “kids” what to believe, think or do simply because they’ve “been there” and have the experience and these kids should learn from the writer’s experience. One problem with that. That experience belongs to the writer, not the kids he/she/they are lecturing. While you can be inspired by someone else’s experience, you really can’t learn from it until you experience something similar.

And Christian writers who demand that Muslims and Atheists and Pagans give up their evil ways because America is a Christian nation (spoiler alert: It’s not), shows more about their lack of faith and bundle of fear than the need to save someone from themselves.

So many others are simply judgmental because the writer has an underlying bias for something that the person they dislike represents. Rather than learn to deal with that, they assume that all people are like the one they dislike and therefore deserve their animosity. Most of this comes from a lack of experience, a lack of education, a lack of research and a lack of imagination and all of those can be corrected.



Vincent Ehindero Blogger Award!


Anish Nair of Poetic Prism nominated me for this love award. I am stunned but thrilled at the honor. Please visit Anish’s blog as well as Vincents Vincent Hindero.


  • Thank the person that nominated you with a link to their blog.
  • Make a post of the award (with a photo).
  • Post the rules.
  • Ask 5-10 questions of your choice.
  • Nominate 10-30 other bloggers.
  • Follow Vincent Ehindero at vincentehindero.wordpress.com (to qualify for a free blog promotion and shoutout) and more blogging opportunities.

Answers to Anish Nair’s Questions:

  1. If you could recommend me one book, which one would it be and why?

Cloud Atlas… please see my review of the book (and movie) here Cloud Atlas Book and Movie

  1. How Do You Handle People You Don’t Like?

I am terrible with confrontation, so I tend to ignore and avoid. I suspect that the term “ghosting” was created for people like me.

  1. Do You Believe In The Paranormal And Would You Go Ghost Hunting?

I believe energy comes in all forms, including as ghosts. I don’t see ghosts as evil entities like some people insist. Nor are they misguided or lost. They are just a different form than what “solids” (using a term from Deep Space Nine) are. I remember watching a movie where observers traveled to different planets to “watch” the natural disasters, in the form of a vacation. They watched humanity at its worst. It seemed like an intrusion. I see ghost hunting the same way.

  1. If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do today?

The same thing I’ve always done… nothing else would matter afterwards anyway…

  1. Who takes the majority of your photos?

I would say I take a good 99% of my photos for my own use. For photos for my blog, I use most free images at sites Pixabay and Unsplash, but many of them are my own photos and collages.

  1. What one thing do you really want but can’t afford?

A high rise condo in a big city… Seattle will do, but I’d love to be in San Francisco, New York City or Paris.

  1. What was the most challenging moment in your blogging journey so far?

Trying to keep up with daily prompts and finally decided it doesn’t matter much about when I post what but that I post as often as I can.

  1. How do you feel about putting pineapple on pizza?

I’d much rather see it on a pineapple upside down cake and keep just veggies such as onions, tomatoes, green peppers, mushroom and black olives on my pizza, please.

  1. What’s the last song you listened to?

Can’t Tell You Why by The Eagles

  1. If you could give yourself a tagline, what would it be?

All Over The Place

My Nominations are

Nadiia at Nadiia’s Stories

Jayden Vincente at JR Vincente

Ra at Rarasaur

Lovie at Healing Hearts Breakthrough

Sheryl Lazarus at A Hundred Years Ago

Mark Aldrich at The Gad About Town

Jupiter Grant at Jupiter’s Lair

Mrs. Fever at Mrs. Fever

Lael-heart at Lael Heart

Abbie at Abbie’s Corner

Little Borneo Girl Little Borneo Girl

My Questions

  1. It’s not easy being confined to home during a quarantine. What is the best part of your day in spite of that?
  2. What do you need right now?
  3. When things seem tough, I want to remember __________________
  4. What skill have you always wished you had?
  5. What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?
  6. Write your life story in five sentences.
  7. What words do you use too much?
  8. How would you like to be described?
  9. Where do you want to be right now?
  10. Name one of your skills that you would like to teach others.


Wings of Light


The book I wrote and published is based on this idea. It’s called Wings of Light and it’s based on some events that happened in my daughter’s life, including one day when she was about 2 and we were out for a walk. She stopped and crouched down to see a caterpillar. She looked up to me and asked,

“Cappapillar sleeping?”


She stood straight up and stomped on the caterpillar.

“Cappapillar dead!!”

My story goes on telling about how and why that wasn’t such a good idea.


I wrote this story on Jan 29, 2001, when I was still somewhat religious… not the devout Christian I once was, but still a syncretic blend of Christianity and Wicca, which is why the story mentions angels and God. I’ve evolved quite a bit in nearly 20 years. My daughter died on Sept 14, 2000 at the age of 16.

Please be forewarned; there is a picture at the end of this post of my daughter in her casket. It’s not meant to be scary, in fact her five year old cousin said she looked like Sleeping Beauty. I’ve included it here because the picture is already all over the Internet… I’ve been amazed at the various places I’ve discovered so I decided to include it here as well. It was the last picture ever taken of her. Like sex, death is fact of life, it’s not evil, obscene or scary. It just is.

Here is my story:

Wings of Light
Written by Cindi Dean Wafstet
Jan 29, 2001

Once upon a time, a glistening castle stood tall in the Kingdom of
Serenity. But the castle was anything but serene after the Princess was

They called her Princess No-No because “no” was the only word she ever

One day when she was but three years of age, she was frolicking in the
woods. The Princess encountered a tiny Faery who looked like a
glittering orb of light.

Intrigued, she looked closely at the wee being, and asked, “Who are

“I am a fine Faery, and I am here to help you become your destiny.”

The Princess looked at the Faery and said, “I wish to be an Angel.”

The Faery shook her head no.

“My little Princess,” said the Faery, “You are not ready to be an Angel

The Princess was not used to hearing the word “no”. She was only used to
saying it herself.

This angered the little Princess.

She looked down and saw a fuzzy black and yellow caterpillar resting on
the fallen leaves.

“Caterpillar sleeping?” Princess No-No asked the Faery.

“Yes,” replied the Faery.

Princess No-No defiantly stood tall, lifted her foot and brought it down
hard on the caterpillar.

“No,” she said, “Caterpillar dead!”

The Faery looked sadly at the caterpillar and then at the Princess.

“That is why you are not ready to be an Angel. That caterpillar was
destined to be a beautiful butterfly. You must learn to respect life
before you will be ready to be an Angel.”

The Faery flew away, and the Princess watched her go feeling very

Princess No-No never again killed another living thing. She learned to
love and respect all of life’s creatures.

Each year she asked the Faery is she was ready to be an Angel yet.

“No,” said the Faery, “Not yet.”

The Princess would lie on the grass and watch the busy ants at their
work. They taught her about responsibility and about taking care of one

She hugged the brawny trees and they taught her about strength and
stability and growth.

She talked to her colorful feather friends of the sky who taught her
about wonder and freedom.

She talked to her courageous four-legged animal friends who taught her
about survival and family.

The amazing creatures of the seas and rivers taught her about
determination and beauty.

She listened the melodies and tones of the wind and learned to sing and

From the warmth of the sun, she learned to give and love, and from the
reflection of the moon, she learned about life’s mysteries and about
being a woman.

From the playful snowflakes, she learned how to reflect and laugh, and
from the soulful raindrops, she learned how to cry.

Every year, Princess No-No still asked to be an Angel.

And every year, the Faery still said, “Not yet.”

When the Princess was sixteen, the Faery finally told her, “Yes.”

The Faery christened her Princess CleoShia and turned her into a
Sleeping Beauty.

All of the Princess’ friends were heartbroken that their friend was no
longer with them.

Through the Princess’ friends, the Faery saw that the Princess had
indeed learned her lessons well.

CleoShia had tried very hard to make amends for killing the poor
caterpillar so many years before.

Suddenly around the Faery appeared a multitude of beautiful butterflies
in all colors, sizes, and shapes.

The Faery knew that butterflies meant rebirth, and that they were God’s answer.

Princess CleoShia was transformed into a magnificent Angel. Her black
hair shone brightly and brilliant white feathered wings spread out from
her back to reach the ground. Behind CleoShia’s head was a halo of
bright golden light.

CleoShia smiled at the Faery and said simply, “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” said the Faery, “You have learned your lessons well, and
God is pleased. The Gods beckon you to heaven. There you shall be a guardian Angel, to watch over all of your family and friends.”

Princess No-No, now the Angel CleoShia turned and saw a long tunnel and
at the end of the tunnel was a bright, white light. The light at the end
of the tunnel was her future. She knew she had learned and sacrificed
greatly for this honor.

CleoShia walked towards the light as she heard a voice say,

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to
harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11

(Drawing was done and poem written by Courtney shortly before her death. I didn’t find either until after she died. The poem was used by her classmates as a tribute to her in the high school yearbook for the class of 2002)



Your Guardian Angel
By CleoShia (Courtney) CE: 2000

I was driving down the road
Coming to see you
I was having a great time
Couldn’t wait to talk to you
I was worshipping and singing to the Lord
When our of nowhere
Someone ran a stop sign
I saw a white tunnel
Like everyone sees
I couldn’t believe what happened
How could someone do this to me?
I wasn’t ready to go
I had to see you one last time
I heard a voice from the light
“If you don’t come now
You will never be able to go”
I decided to stay
I had to make sure someone
Would always be there for you
I stood in your room
You didn’t know I was there
But you sensed someone was in the room
When ever you feel that sensation
Remember me
I will always be your guardian angel
For the rest of your life




“A platitude is a trite, meaningless, or prosaic statement, generally directed at quelling social, emotional, or cognitive unease.”

“God won’t give you more than you can handle.” This line was the title of a blog article I posted written by a Christian minister who was told this by people due several challenges that he and his wife were dealing with. It started a short discussion of other platitudes that people hear. And it was a topic I felt I needed to expand on.

The problem with platitudes is not that they might be true, it’s that they are a quick and easy way for the person to say who watching someone deal with these challenges and they don’t know what else to say. By issuing a platitude, they can then pat themselves on the back and feel that they did something. But platitudes usually do more damage than good. Instead of a platitude, action is usually a much better way to help.

“Everything happens for a reason”. I personally believe this is true. But I have to be the one to decide that and what that might be, but not be told what that reason is by someone else. Because my reason might be totally different than someone else’s and for some people, they might not want or need a reason at all. It’s not up to anyone to decide if this is true for anyone else. Even though I believe it (I’d rather have a reason than have something happen randomly), it’s not up to me to decide what that reason it for someone else.

“What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger.” Again, while this may be true, that’s not up to you to decide this for anyone else. The idea of what is strong is very subjective.

“It’s God’s will…” I personally have a problem with this one as makes me feel I’m nothing but a puppet under someone else’s whim. I was told this with every challenge I faced.

“Satan is testing you.” I was actually told this one when my daughter died.. by the pastor’s wife. I felt like I was a pawn in a chess game.

“It’s all apart of God’s plan for you.” Another one I have a personal problem with.. why make any decisions for yourself, if someone else is doing it? And if being raped, having my daughter die, getting cancer is all apart of God’s plan.. I demand a re-write.

“Time heals all wounds.” Again, while this MIGHT be true, it doesn’t heal all wounds, they are still with you. And it doesn’t do anything for the pain of the wound at the present time. However, I do believe that time allows you to learn to deal with the wound.

“I will pray for you.” While prayer can be good for the person doing it (for themselves) or even in a united effort to help someone, like in a prayer circle, provided the person that is being prayed for is on board with it. Just saying “I will pray for you” is an easy way out and doesn’t actually help anyone else. Like praying to end cancer or praying to end world hunger or homelessness, doesn’t do anything at all. These things take action. If you want to help someone, be there to listen to their fears and grief. Fix them a cup of tea. Rub their feet. Hold their hand or their head as they vomit. Just do something. You don’t have to say anything at all.

“The good die young.” I was told this one too… oh, well, in that case, I just won’t grieve for my loss.. because “God called her home”… and “it’s all apart of God’s plan” so I should celebrate her death, not mourn. Again, while I do believe that people die when it’s their time, that doesn’t make their death any easier to take. Grief is a process and each person has the right to decide how their grief will proceed and the length of time it will take. It’s rarely the same for each person.

“It could be worse…” Of course it could, but that doesn’t mean what is happening right now isn’t painful. When my children and I were in the car accident, my mother said, “At least no one died”… so I should be grateful. But I had just been told that I was going to lose my leg and I would never walk again, and that my children were in the hospital and I couldn’t go to them to comfort their own fears… so I felt I had every right to be sad and angry about the situation we were in.

“Just think about how much worse other people have it.” Yes, they are and if given time I will realize that on my own. But this just negates the pain and suffering that you are dealing with at the time, more guilt. It’s like when you were a kid and you didn’t eat your dinner, and your mother said, “think of all of the starving children in China (or India, or where ever). Feeling guilty because starving children who didn’t have enough food never helped those starving children, and eating all of your dinner didn’t either.

“You deserve what you are getting.” This usually comes from someone who doesn’t approve of your lifestyle or choices. Again, I heard this after my daughter died. “If I hadn’t turned my back on the church, God wouldn’t be punishing me.” The irony of this was that when she died, I was a very devout, active, church-going Christian, so it had nothing to do with my being a Pagan later and an Atheist now. And it was my church family that turned their backs on me, literally, when they shunned me and I left religion for good.

“Stop whining, everyone goes through this!” I was told this when I got cancer for the third time. When I was in chemo, I kept reading about people who blithely went from chemo to work without any side effects at all. These stories made me feel like a total failure because chemo caused so many side effects for me there were times I didn’t think I would survive the treatment. This platitude just made it worse. And then I read an article by Melissa Etheridge about when she was going through chemo where she talked about how sick she was. Suddenly, I didn’t feel alone about losing my hair, the bone pain and the constant nausea. She became my hero.

The worst one of all…
“Hate the sin, love the sinner.” Probably the most damaging, judgmental crap of all time. Who is to decide what the sin is and who is committing a sin?

Time to Realize

To realize The value of a sister Ask someone Who doesn’t have one.
To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple.
To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate.
To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.
To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize The value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
To realize The value of one minute: Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize The value of one-second: Ask a person Who has survived an accident.
To realize The value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
To realize the value of a friend: Lose one.

Amazing Rules of Life

What do these things all mean? They can mean different things to different people. This is how I interpret each one.

“Risk more than is required”

Life all by itself is a risk. It’s easy to try to stay in the comfort zone and not risk anything more than that. But staying in your comfort zone doesn’t allow you to grow. Risk allows failure, but some of the best lessons learned are the ones you fail at. You will never know if something is meant for you, until you try it. I risked trying downhill skiing and learned it wasn’t something I wanted to pursue, the only part of skiing that I liked was sitting in the lodge drinking hot mulled wine. But learning to ice skate was exactly the right thing for me to learn and I progressed with it very quickly. I loved the feeling of gliding around the ice, feeling like I was dancing two feet above the ground.

“Learn more than is normal”

I am constantly hearing adults say, “I graduated from high school, I don’t need to study anymore.” I find that not only sad, but very frustrating as well. Our brains don’t simply turn off the minute we accept a diploma, whether it’s from high school, college and post grad work. Even if you go on to get a PhD, there is still many other thing to learn. That’s what this sentence says to me.. keep learning. There is always something new to learn, no matter how much education you’ve had, how many books you’ve read or how much research you’ve done. It’s never going to be enough.

“Be strong”

It never occurred to me to be anything other than strong. To be weak was to give up.

“Show courage”

I’m not sure how you actually do this one, other than just doing it. I have been told that I am very strong and brave, simply because I’ve survived many challenges. But what other choice do you have?


This is true if both the literal sense and the figurative sense. When fear, anxiety or depression hits, we tend to breathe faster and more shallow. Slowing down your breathing and taking deep breaths, can make a huge difference in how you felt. Recently when dealing with intense pain that was wearing me out, one of the nurses suggested taking long deep breaths. As I did so, my pain started ease.


I learned the most about learning from my Senior English teacher, Mr. Lloyd. He wasn’t the most well liked teacher because he was tough, but he taught me more than almost any teacher I had had before and since. He liked to say, “I don’t care if you end up being a ditch digger, be the best damn ditch digger you can be”. That’s what it means to excel. Do the best you can and then go a step or two more to do even better.


Love can mean so many different things from ‘affection’ to ‘interest’, ‘pleasure’ to ‘romance’ and ‘sexual attraction’. What exactly does it mean to say you love something or someone? I think it’s the aspect of ‘caring’ about something or someone means to focus on that person or thing. How that manifests will be unique to each person.


As a self proclaimed control freak, I often prefer to take the lead. But whenever I find someone who is more of a control freak than I am, I’m more than happy to let them take the lead.

“Speak your truth”

For a long time I kept my views on religion and politics quiet, unless I was absolutely sure that someone shared my views. That stopped when Donald Trump came on to the scene. Now I am very vocal not only about what I think of religion (especially about how I was treated by Christian churches) and politics, but also about sex and rape. I now speak my truth.

“Live your values”

Values are another one of those things that can be highly subjective. But there are some that seem to be pretty universal; honesty, compassion, respect, courage, reliability. For some it might include faith and piety, for others it might include fairness and freedom. 


I use to laugh so hard that my laugh went silent while my body shook and I’d end up in hiccups. It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed like that. I still sometimes snicker and giggle, but a full on belly laugh seems hard to come by. I try to find ways to laugh and reasons to laugh and for me, it’s usually watching You Tube videos of Robin Williams and George Carlin. But at least I am trying to still laugh.


I don’t cry a lot either. But when I do, it’s either because of profound sadness or intense frustration. Years ago, I got the message that to cry was a sign of weakness. That message was very damaging. We need to cry as much as we need to laugh.


When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Just be sure to add enough sugar to make it sweet.


This is a new lesson I’m trying to learn. I am a pack rat, a hoarder, terrified that if I don’t save everything I will live to regret it. It’s a form of OCD. I realized my daughter, who also had bipolar disorder also probably had inherited my OCD. She saved even more than I do. It didn’t do her any good, so I’m learning to let go of things. It’s not been easy.

“Adore mastery”

Learn to love the ability to excel.

“Release mediocrity”

Learn to expect more of yourself than you think you can do.

“Aim for genius”

It’s like aiming for the moon, even if you miss you will find yourself among the stars. Aiming for genius gets you into the realm of brilliance.

“Stay humble”

It’s hard to straddle the line between being proud of your accomplishments, which you should do, and becoming a braggart. You can be proud of your accomplishments without becoming a braggart. Try to find that balance.

“Be kinder than necessary”

It’s easy to forget that everyone is just like us. We all want to live a good and happy life. If we can see others that same way, it’s easier to be kind to them. 

“Deliver more than is needed”

Anyone can do what is required of them. But if you go that extra mile, you get so much more out of the experience.

“Exude passion”

What is your passion in life? Make sure everyone knows what it is.

“Shatter your limits”

Limits are self imposed comfort zones. In many cases they are needed to keep ourselves safe. But sometimes they prevent us from taking risks, risks that could give us experiences that provide important lessons and enlightenment.

“Transcend your fears”

“Inspire others by your bigness”

The hope is that if you are doing something positive that shows caring for others, others will follow your example.

“Dream big but start small”

“Act now”

I have a bad habit of procrastinating. Especially if it’s something I really don’t want to do. Or don’t feel confident about doing. Or just fearful. 

“Don’t stop”

I’ve had times when things just feel way too overwhelming for me and I just want to quit. Fortunately, those moments are short lived and I’m back to fighting again.

“Change the world”

Everyone wants to leave a legacy behind. All we can do is hope that we will. In the meantime, proceed as if you were doing just that.. making a difference, leaving a legacy and changing the world. You just might be right.