Random Paint Chip Poetry Project: #3 Dear Child

Dear Me,

Sitting near the hearthstone sipping a cup of Earl Gray
Knowing that some day,
We’ll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun

Looking for the golden hour
When the world is much brighter
Looking for the heavenly sparkle
But not wearing rose colored glasses
Knowing I’m still that die hard fighter.

Ooh child, things’ll get brighter
Some day, we’ll put it together and we’ll get it undone
Those will be the bright days, my child,
When we will know that we’ve finally won.

Signed, Yours Truly.


If you would like to play along, these are the prompts.

Yours Truly
Rose colored glasses
The golden hour
Earl Gray
15th song on your playlist (select a few lines in the lyrics)
I used “Ooh Child” by the Five Stair Steps

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Recipe of the Day: Adobe Chicken

Adobe Chicken

This is my version of the Filipino dish of Adobe chicken, based on the ingredients I had on hand and cooked in the crockpot.

4 chicken thighs
2 chicken breasts
1/2 cup of Yoshiko’s Teriyaki sauce (or soy sauce)
1/2 cup of Balsamic Vinegar
Raw carrots, cut up
Raw onion, cut up
Spices of choice

Mix sauce, vinegar and spices together and pour into a marinade pan. Add chicken and marinade over night. Put carrots and onions in the bottom of a crockpot, add chicken and pour marinade over all. Cook on low for 7 hours.

Pour sauce into saucepan. Mix 2 tbsp of cornstarch with water and then slowly stir into hot marinade until thicken for gravy.

Serve over rice.

Here is an example of the inspiration I used https://www.themagicalslowcooker.com/slow-cooker-chicken-adobo/

Collage of the Day: Gothic Grief

After my daughter died, I channeled my grief into writing poetry and making collages. Because she embraced the Gothic Lifestyle, I called this one “Gothic Grief”.

A very short poem that I wrote that kind of goes with this collage:

O Angel Dressed In Black
Please Bring My Baby Back
She Was A Child Of Faith
Of Peace And Of Love
She Sends Joy To Our World
On The Silver Wings of A Silent Dove…..

Cindi 12/09/01

Progress with Pain

For once I feel like I’m winning in this battle against constant pain.

For once I had really good doctor appointment. I was getting desperate to find a way, any way to relieve this pain.

I did some research on Peripheral Neuropathy and discovered that most of my pain, other than the RA in my knees, is due to PN.

Itching, burning, pins and needles sensation, electrical shocks, stabbing pains, my skin very sensitive to touch, aching sore muscles (in my calves and upper legs), and my right foot often feels like it’s encased in a block of ice, but I don’t feel cold. And despite the fact that skin is sensitive to touch, it also feels numb. All of these are signs of PN and it’s getting worse.

So I wrote out a game plan about what I want to do and what I can do, and what I needed from her.

We agreed to put the Celebrix on hold for now and I will try to get a hold of the RA doctor in Poulsbo and see if we can have an initial appt on Zoom. She wasn’t comfortable letting me go back on Celebrix since my kidneys have been compromised by it. And I didn’t want to drive all the way down to Poulsbo (2 hours each way) just to have this specialist tell me “I can’t help you, kid, you’re a lost cause so go away”. Which is pretty much what the infectious disease doctor told me. I keep getting sent to lots of specialists. Next will be a pain specialist.

We then talked about Gabapentin, which is a pain drug, but at 300mg twice a day, it wasn’t touching my pain at all. We agreed to experiment with higher doses. According to the sites I explored, the average dosage is between 1200mg and 1800mg twice daily, with some patients on 2400mg or higher. Gabapentin doesn’t hurt your kidneys and there is a chance it might also help my RA pain at much higher dose. So we’ve changed to 300mg 3 times a day, and after 3 days, increase it by having one of the doses at 600mg, and then increasing one dose every 3-4 days, depending on how well it works and if I have any bad side effects. So that was a win in my column.

In my research, I saw that massage and acupuncture was recommended for PN pain, and I’m more than willing to do that. I did both weekly for years and enjoyed them both. But you can’t do that in the middle of a pandemic. Especially with an open wound and a bad heart.

So I read that a heated foot massage can almost be the next best thing. It uses massage and acupressure techniques, heat (which I hope will help my block of ice foot) and it’s suppose to help circulation and swelling, both problems I have. It arrived today.

I also talked to her about an electric blanket since I had read opposing thought about them for PN. I don’t need a whole blanket because I don’t really get cold at night. But I use heating pads on my leg for the pain and I’m constantly moving it from one painful area to another. So I found a soft electric “throw” that I can wrap around my entire leg. That’s my next Amazon order.

I’m also using topical remedies, which may be nothing more than a placebo effect, but that’s fine. Whatever helps. One is a magnesium oil spray and the other two are roll-ons for joint pain and nerve pain, and are essential oils and herbs.

Other things that I’ve found that helped… a lower sodium diet which I found with Nutrasystem, which surprised the holy hell out of me. I had tried Nutrasystem 30 years ago and was not impressed. I’m glad to see they have changed and improved. One of the pluses is that the food is already prepared and for some of it only takes a minute in the microwave, and that takes some pressure off of Tim to take care of my meals. And I was surprised that the food is pretty good.

I’m a keeping a pitcher of water with lemon and lime slices in it so I can drink more water.

I bought an electric tea kettle and a red teapot that I can keep on my electric hot pad so I can drink herbal tea all evening… mostly Hibiscus and Honey Lavender.

I bought an essential oil dispenser that puffs out sweet orange scent and I’m thrilled with how much I enjoy that.

I listen to relaxing music and I meditate and I have my distractions of everything online, reading books, playing computer games and genealogy research, as well as research of my key study areas.

All of this helps alleviate the pain even if it doesn’t eliminate the pain.

So I feel like I’ve made some progress.

50 Questions

I snagged this from Mrs. Wolfie, https://mrswolfie.blog/2020/09/11/50-questions-just-for-fun/, and I hope she sees this because I still can’t comment on her blog. I’m sorry for the loss of your little Nebo.

“I decided to borrow this fun survey from Sparkpeople. I think I spend a lot of time on my blog being serious and I thought it was time to have more fun this evening. As mentioned, i hope it makes you smile and I hope it gives you a little chance to know me better. Of course if you want to, copy the questions and answer them for yourself, just be sure to give credit to SP!”

1. What time did you get up this morning? Morning? What’s that? Oh, that time of day when I go to bed, which was about 7am.

2. How do you like your steak? I don’t eat a lot of steak, but on the rare occasion that I do, it’s usually medium rare with caramelized onions and steak sauce.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? It’s been so long since I’ve seen a movie at a theater, I can’t even remember. We don’t even have a movie theater in our town, we have to to one of the nearby towns to see a movie.

4. What is your favorite TV show? It was Vikings. Right now, I don’t really have a favorite. I watch very little TV.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Paris or Kyoto or Maui or San Francisco or a condo in downtown Seattle.

6. What did you have for breakfast? Well, it was breakfast food, but for dinner. Rice Krispies with a sliced banana and milk.

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Chinese.

8. What foods do you dislike? Sushi. Beets. Cauliflower.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Dynasty Chinese Restaurant or any of the Chinese restaurants in town.

10. Favorite dressing? Blue cheese

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? I have a Ford Fiesta, but I can’t drive anymore.

12. What are your favorite clothes? Long Boho maxi dresses and jean jackets.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Paris and Kyoto are at the top of my list.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? 1/2 full

15. Where would you want to retire? I’m already retired so I imagine I will stay right here.

16. Favorite time of day? Three o’clock in the morning. That seems to be the time of day when I have the least amount of pain and the sharpest focus in my brain.

17. Where were you born? Seattle, WA in the US

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Ice skating

19. How many siblings? One sister and one brother, both younger and but we are close in age. My mom had three children in less than 3 years.

20. Favorite pastime/hobby? Genealogy. Crocheting and cross stitch. Scrapbooking. Altered books and collage work.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Anyone who decides to take the challenge!

22. Bird watcher? Not on purpose. But I have a crow that loves to flirt with me from my deck railing.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? I don’t know what morning is. I usually spend most of my time up all night.

24. Do you have any pets? Not at more. At one time I had six cats… five female cats born to a stray that adopted us. The last one died about three years ago at the age of 20.

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share? I wish I had any news, exciting or otherwise.

26. What did you want to be when you were little? First I wanted to be a ballerina. Then I wanted to be a disk jockey and then I wanted to be world famous surgeon. Most of the time I wanted to be a teacher and/or writer and that’s pretty much what I ended up doing.

27. What is your best childhood memory? Probably Christmases… with big trees full of homemade ornaments, but c-9 lights, tinsel and piles of gifts underneath. Lots of Christmas cookies. Christmas caroling around the neighborhood.

28. Are you a cat or dog person? I’d love to have both and at one time did, but I tend to be more a cat person.

29. Are you married? Technically, yes.

30. Always wear your seat belt? Always. It helped to save my life in 1987, although I had a lot of damage in that car accident.

31. Been in a car accident? Yes, as mentioned above in 1987. Lots of damage to my right leg and I was told I would never walk again. First they told me my leg would be amputation but I had a great surgeon who wouldn’t give up, and operated 6 times trying different things to save my leg. But he told me I wouldn’t be able to walk and would have to spend my life in a wheelchair. I set out to prove him wrong. I had children to raise and a business to run. And I did learn to walk again, although painfully, and went back to raising my children and back to running my daycare business with 30 kids. But I knew one day it all would catch up with me. And it has and now I’m back in the wheelchair and trying to learn how to control the pain.

32. Any pet peeves? Bad drivers, especially those who tailgate and don’t signal to indicate their intentions. Selfish people who only think of themselves and no one else. Religious people who try to force their beliefs down your throat (fortunately, not all religious people do this… I have some wonderful Christian and Muslim friends who live their faith without insisting you share in their beliefs). Guns and gun toting nuts who think guns make them look tough and manly.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Cheese, onions, tomatoes, green peppers, mushrooms and black olives with a red tomato sauce.

34. Favorite Flower? Irises, lavender, pansies.

35. Favorite ice cream? Moosetracks. Goo goo cluster. Rocky Road.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Dairy Queen’s soft serve ice cream cones dipped in butterscotch.

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? Three times. The first time was when I was in high school just after I finished driver’s ed. I was so embarrassed that I refuse to try again. When I was 19, I finally did, trying to drive my brother’s El Camino that kept stalling all the time. I failed again. This time I was pissed and went back a week later and passed it. I’ve never taken that driver’s license and the right to drive for granted.

38. From whom did you get your last email? From my therapist reminding me of my zoom appointment this afternoon.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Amazon. Oh, wait, I already do that.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? The only thing I do spontaneously if getting up to pee. I’d be happier if I could schedule that.

41. Like your job? Well, the pay sucks, but the hours are good. Being retired isn’t very profitable.

42. Broccoli? Yes.. broccoli salad, broccoli cheese soup, steamed broccoli with cheese sauce.

43. What was your favorite vacation? And all expenses paid trip with Hawaii. Every day we received gifts and perks from the company. Our room was a luxury suite with two lanai type balconies with views of the ocean. I had room service breakfasts for the first time. Two spa days. It was heavenly.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? I can’t remember a dinner, but I had lunch with my cousin and her husband when they were in town. This was long before Covid 19.

45. What are you listening to right now? My relaxing music playlist.

46. What is your favorite color? Black. But I get in moods for other colors.. like gray, or mint green, or teal.

47. How many tattoos do you have? I don’t have any yet, but I’ve been planning to get three for the past 20 years. Maybe some day it will actually happen.

49. What time did you finish this quiz? 9:25pm

50. Coffee Drinker? No, which is almost sacrilege if you’re from Seattle.

“I hope you enjoyed this post. If you decide to take the challenge, please do link me. I’d love to read your answers!”

TMI Tuesday: September 8, 2020: Mixed Bag

1. Would you help pay for your own engagement ring?

I didn’t get an engagement ring until after we were married for 8 years. Instead we put the money into a buying a house. My daughter in law now wears my old engagement and wedding ring.

2. Were you ever afraid to masturbate?

Yes, I was terrified and guilt ridden. The church made me feel so afraid of touching myself anywhere, that I never did. And that proved to be a problem when I was pregnant and needed to prepare my nipples for breastfeeding. I just couldn’t do it and I suffered painful and bloody nipples both time. Once I left the church, started studying sexuality and discovered the many benefits of masturbation, that all changed. Now, no guilt at all. But I am angry that I had to wait so long to discovery the joys of my own personal sexuality.

3. These days what gives you most comfort?

Days that I can go without any pain. And they are rare. So when they happen, I celebtrate.

4. What is distinct about you?

I remember voices. I can hear someone’s voice in a movie or TV show and tell you what other movies or TV shows they have been in. Their voice is always a dead give away for me.

Bonus: What in the past week has given you immense joy?

These days it’s hard to find much for me to enjoy. My physical limitations and levels of pain, family members who are Trump supporters, worries of Covid 19, concern about the future as far as safety and economy.

But if I really push myself… it’s finding jokes and memes that make me laugh. It’s the idea of finding a new house to move into, eating chocolate, a full nights sleep.

Random Paint Chip Poetry Project: #2 Circle of Life

This one is dedicated to my daughter, Courtney Marie, who died 20 years ago on Sept 14th, 2000, at the age of 16. I will also include to collages that I created in her memory.

Miss You

Circle of Life

Tickled pink, a baby girl
A short lived life, a short lived love.

Like the Sisyphus’s boulder
Constantly pushing upwards and
Rolling back again

Causing an unfortunate circumstance

Is that what is was?
Just an unfortunate circumstance?


It was like a comet
Blazing ‘cross the evening sky

A lunar starship that took on a life of its own.

Shiny and sparkly
And splendidly bright

Until it faded just out of sight.

Now a new blank canvas to write on.
A new story to tell.
A new leaf to turn.

But still pushing that boulder upwards
And watching it roll back again.

Gothic Grief

The song used in this poem was “Gone Too Soon” by Michael Jackson, which was written for Ryan White who died as a teenager due to AIDS, but it felt to me that the song was written for Courtney.

Now, if you would like to participate in this project, please write a poem using these words and prompt and a few lyrics from your favorite song on your playlist.

An Unfortunate Circumstance

Tickled pink
Sisyphus’s boulder
Blank canvas
New Leaf

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