I am a writer, genealogist, a Humanist Pagan/Atheist, life long autodidactic student of world religions, history, anthropology, sexuality, body acceptance, trauma, and healing. This blog is about my life, studies, beliefs, and interests including art, culture, fashion, cuisine, health, challenges, sexuality and more.
Using the prompt from Sleeping with Musician; this is number six and it looks like I need to go back and try to get caught up with one through five.
But this one says…
“I’m pretty sure we have all had a crush on at least one musician in our lifetime. I can think of a handful that I wouldn’t kick out of bed right now..haha. This reminds me of those folded-up posters in the teen magazines that you could tear out and it would become a wall hanging. Most of the people featured were actors but every now and then a musician would make an appearance.
The memory of those magazines is what brought forth the idea of the next prompt-
If you could sleep with one musician who would it be? Why would you pick that musician?”
I have two answers for this. The list is long of who I would like to sleep with, but since I can only have one, it would be Joe Elliot of Def Leppard. To me, he is simply delicious…
I have all of their albums… and love this song and how Joe Elliott looks singing it.
I have a video DVD of the history of the band. They said they were overwhelmed by all of the attention from girls and they took advantage of it all. They would have girls (and their mothers) in a room under the stage and the the girls (and their mothers) would all be naked and whenever the band took a break, they went down to the room where the naked women would give them blowjobs and then they would go back on stage.
ps… two others are Bret Michaels of Poison and Timothy B. Schmit of Eagles and Poco, oh, and Robert Plant of Led Zepplin… oh my… so many more.
I actually did sleep with a musician, although he wasn’t famous. He was in a band that did the Pacific Northwest club circuit. The name of the band was Burgundy Express and they played at Pier 70 (site of my story Holding On pt1), Golden Tides and Aquarius Tav/Parker’s Ballroom. They did record an album that I still have 45 years later.
I can’t do much these days, but I can speak out on social injustices and I am. Racism, sexism, misogyny, gay rights, rape culture, fatphobia, ableism, and ageism. We have a long way to go and at times it feels like two steps forward and one step back.
But this idea that old people having sex is getting annoying. First a TV commercial of a young teenage boy coming down the stairs and hearing weird noises from his grandparent’s bedroom and he thinks they are having “old people sex”. A few years ago there was another TV commercial of an older man and older woman having “kitchen table sex” and it sounded like someone was moaning and groaning and the fire department broke down the door. They were embarrassed to find two naked grandparents in the middle of passionate sex. And recently on the TV series “Mom” they were talking about “old people sex… ewww!!” And then there was the “young” woman (who was 40) on a site I was use to visit who was laughing at the fact that she found sex toys in the house she just bought. The house belonged to a couple in their 60’s and she wondered what two old people were doing with handcuffs, a ball gag and a whip… she couldn’t imagine old people having kinky sex. And then she complained about getting older; she didn’t want to give up sex. I had news for her… she was creeping up to “old” really quickly already. But the good news was that she didn’t have to give up sex when she got older. Where does this idea come from????
Six years ago I wrote an article about Sex After Fifty I am now almost 70 and sex is still important to me. I’m going to repeat some of what I wrote then because those in the back aren’t paying attention!!
“I just read an article that basically said the same thing as to what I was thinking… “Why is it that the younger generation still have the misconception that anyone over the age of 40 does not, or cannot have sex?” On this site there were two comments about “older people” and sex, like what are they doing on Saturday nights (in regards to sex and sex toys) and laments about dreading about getting old.
Every generation of people when they turn 20 years old think that when they discover sex, that they are the first to do so and no one has ever experienced fucking like they have, that previous generations never had it like this and they just will never understand! Yeah, right. Yes, I know, we did too… there was a motto that said “Never trust anyone over 30.” It made sense at the time, but we never dreamed that time would go by so quickly and we would suddenly BE over thirty!!
There is a line a movie that says, “We didn’t create sex, we just perfected it”.
Sex is nothing new. I know that. I knew that then, as most people did. I also realized that in previous generations not everyone waited until after marriage to lose their virginity. My family history is proof of this as more than half of the women in my family were pregnant on their wedding day and gave birth to 9lb premature babies 5 months after the wedding. Sure.
When did baby boomers and hippies suddenly get old? Actually, we didn’t. It’s just perception of those who are younger.
For some reason anyone under 40 believe the things that they see in TV and magazine ads. That older people are just sitting around, waiting to die.
We are going to concerts rocking to classic rock (remember Jimmie Page just turned 76), we are writing books, we are running businesses, and some us are happily retired, we are still questioning things in society, we are protesting wars, looking out for the environment, challenging religious teachings, and yes, we are having awesome, hot, erotic, and kinky sex (including whips and handcuffs).
Sex doesn’t end because we get old. It stops for a 100 other reasons, all that can affect anyone of any age. Only our bodies get old, but our brains don’t… we are whatever age we think we are.
And for those who are in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s… don’t blink, because you will be us sooner than you think.”
You should be cheering that we are still having sex, as it means that you will too, and it IS sooner than you think.
I have been fascinated about robots for years. I even use to run a yahoo email group about robots. I’m not worried about them as sex partners at all. I feel for a lot of people it will be a needed tool to keep them sexually active. People always proclaim: “What about the human interaction? They will be missing out on that!!” Well, guess what, there are people who are already missing out on human interaction for one reason or another. Should they be further penalized because they have limits and are unable to relate to another human being? There are those who are physically disabled and usually are over looked as sex partners by able bodied people. They have as strong sexual desires as anyone else and they might easily choose to have sex robot to fulfill their desires. Then there are those who just have a hard time relating to other people. Robots will be a part of our lives more and more all the time. It doesn’t have to be something we are afraid of.
2. A humanoid (a life-like robot) that looks like your biggest crush, and acts exactly the way you hoped your crush would act has been created. This humanoid initiates sex, with you. Would you have sex with the humanoid?
Of course, I would need more information about this humanoid robot, see it, talk to it, find out it’s prime objective. But I would have no problem having sex with a robot. I would see it as just another tool in my sexual repertoire, much like my Hitachi vibrator.
3. What’s your typical sleep attire?
I sleep completely naked. I hate getting twisted and tied up in nightgowns.
4. What is the most cringe-worthy thing you have experienced in the bedroom?
I am almost reluctant to say this as I know other people’s fetishes provide something they need, but at the time this was a total turn off for me. It was a one night stand (don’t judge, this was the 70’s) and the guy just wanted me to watch while he masturbated while wearing women’s red lace panties. I would say he just had the wrong partner for this. It bugged me that he assumed all women would get off on this.
5. Are you satisfied with the amount of after-sex affection (e.g., spooning, cuddling, intimate conversation) you receive? yes or no . If no, how could it be better?
In general, no. Two areas that most men (no, not all) fail in, are foreplay and after sex. Foreplay doesn’t mean just after you get naked and into bed. Foreplay starts long before which includes suggestions, ideas, teasing, anticipation… talking about it long before it happens, texting, sexting, sexing phone calls through out the day until you finally can get together physically. And then after it’s like once it’s over for him, it’s over for everyone. I have lost count as to how many men came, pulled out, rolled over and went to sleep. In almost all cases I never had an orgasm. A smart man will make sure his partner has had an orgasm before he does… one guy told me his motto was “ladies come first” and he lived up to that. And after sex, cuddling is appreciated, talking to me like I’m still there is VERY appreciated. Otherwise you end up feeling like nothing more important than a sex toy.
Bonus: What is your most useless skill?
I can name that tune and artist after just about 6 notes. Not sure when that will ever come in handy.
I just saw some comments on Facebook about Oregon passing a bill for free abortions. These were coming from pro-life Christians I know. Comments of “sick people” and “monsters”. This really upset me and shows how little these people understand about women who choose to have an abortion. There are dozens of reasons why they would make this choice.
For those who agree with these comments, I have a few questions for you.
Have you ever had to make the agonizing decision of continuing your pregnancy or aborting a baby for a variety of reasons?
If you insist that a pregnant mother continue her pregnancy, are you willing to put your money where you mouth is and help her pay for the costs of having that baby? Are you going to buy diapers and formula for her? Are you going to hold her hand during labor? Are you going to babysit this infant so the mother can work? Are you going to be there for her when she can’t physically, emotionally, mentally or financially care this tiny child?
If she decides to give the baby up for adoption, are you willing to adopt the child?
Unless you answer “yes” to these questions, you are so totally out of line judging someone else’s choices.
So, who really are the sick monsters?
“Judge not lest ye be judged” ~ Matthew 7
To clarify, I am a Pro Choice Atheist who understands the trauma of having to make this decision. I had to do it twice.
The first time I was 20, became pregnant and we decided to get married. Until I walked in on him in bed with another girl. I was 3 months pregnant and worried if I could afford to have a baby on my own and if I was emotionally mature enough to raise a child. I sought counseling from Planned Parenthood and in the end decided to have my baby. But I miscarried three weeks later.
The second time was after I married and became pregnant almost immediately after the wedding. I had gotten sick with food poisoning and the doctor said that the baby would most likely be mentally disabled because of it. We agonized over the decision to have the baby or abort and again decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. Again, I miscarried, this time in the 5th month.
Two pregnancies, two horrible decisions, two miscarriages. I was terrified to try again, but a year later, I gave birth to a healthy son.
I have several friends who had abortions and none of them went into the choice lightly. But all of them said they don’t regret the decision. It allowed them to have the family, the career or lifestyle they have afterwards.
But I also talked to several women who felt pressured to have their babies. One was just 14 when she got pregnant and was 20 with a 6 year old child when I met her. She hated motherhood, resented her daughter and felt cheated of her teenage years due to having a baby long before she was ready for it. Others echoed these same sentiments. When it came down to it, none of these young women felt like they have any support when they have their babies, being told “you made your bed”… it’s your own fault.
These are the same people who don’t want kids to have good sex education and birth control and then abandon them when the naive kids get pregnant.
I love this idea. I hope it catches on. Society seriously needs to get over the fear of nudity and sex. Sex is what allows us to exist and we all come into the world nude. There shouldn’t be any hatred or fear or judgment of either.
Thanks to Phicklephilly for this article!!
With so many people staying home and avoiding the nightmare that is the supermarket at the moment, meal delivery services like Deliveroo and Uber Eats are exploding in popularity. But a new player is threatening to take a stranglehold on the market, and frankly, we aren’t complaining. Dancers at the Lucky Devil Lounge in Portland, […]
1. Do you have a strong imagination? Why do you think this?
I think so. I’m able to come up with story ideas, including erotica. I create collages that requires some imagination. I’m able to try new things.
2. Are you confident?
For many things, yes. I’m confident in my ability to try those new things even if they end up not being something I want to continue with. I’m confident of the things I can do and accomplish.
3. Do you consider yourself to be sensual? a. You bet I am! b. Eek, no way. c. In the right moments, I can be.
In the right moments I can be. I see sensual as being aware of how things affect and interact with my five senses as well as my emotions and drives (sex, food, education).
4. When was the last time you dressed provocatively to entice flirting or attention?
I can’t even remember. I can fantasize about very sexy clothing or “outfits” and love to style them using different online apps (use to be polyvore), but I rarely actually wear those outfits. If I want to entice I prefer to be naked. I know, not very imaginative, is it?
5. How often do you think about sex?
Daily. I think about it, fantasize about it, write about it, read about it and on occasion even partake.
6. If someone called you ‘sexy,’ what would you do?
That they need glasses? Seriously, it took me years to understand that there are people who find people like me sexy and desirable. I grew up hearing just the opposite.
7. Are you comfortable with your body?
Getting there but it’s taken me years to finally accept myself as I am. Not completely. I use to hate my boobs but now I love them. I think I have a great ass. Still working on my arms and belly.
Bonus: Are you good at getting what you want?
No. I was raised to never ask for anything. And it’s still hard for me to do that. I don’t like to play games to get what I want so I’ve learned to just get what I want on my own.
I like erotic pain and kinky pain and sexually charged pain. I don’t like medical pain.
2. Would you say you have a high or low tolerance for pain?
I have a fairly high tolerance for pain.
3. True or false: I like to receive pain during sex.
True. I do. But no all kinds. It needs to be discussed before hand.
4. Finish the sentence: I like inflicting pain during sex because . . .
I never considered myself a sadist or dominate, until I started thinking about having a male sub who I could keep naked and locked in a cock cage. So… “I like inflicting pain during sex because I like to see him squirm.”
5. What’s your preference? Why? (You must pick one)
a. Wearing nipple clamps for 8 hours
b. Receiving 20 minute spanking session using hands and paddle
c. Getting your your cock & balls smacked (only those who have testicles can pick this)
d. Heavy flogging
Well, C doesn’t apply to me, but may I please have all three of the others, please. These three are at the time of my kink list. Why? I get off on being spanked. Of course, I should be restained, since while I do want it, once it starts I’m ready to come out swinging. I love nipple clamps… my favorites are these:
You can get them in different colors with rhinestones or bells and since they are adjustable are easy to wear for long periods of time.
It was a slow night, on a Wednesday at Pier 70 tavern. I didn’t have to work that day, so I went down earlier than I normally did. The band wasn’t very good, none of my friends were there and there were very few people, unusual for any night at the pier.
I sipped ice water, like I normally did and watched the band, who didn’t have much enthusiasm, and watched the people, and danced here and there with different guys. After each dance, I politely said thank you and went back to my seat at the end of the bar.
When the band took a break, I decided to go upstairs to see what was going on there. I fished into the pocket of my jeans and pulled out some quarters. I put one on the edge of the pool table to save my turn, and put another one in my favorite pinball machine, which was surprisingly unattended. I played pinball, hyper focusing on the game, banging my body against it trying to get the little silver ball to go where I wanted. About half way through my game, one of the pool playing regulars called my name saying I was up. Reluctantly, since I was winning this game, I gave it up, looking around to see if anyone wanted to take over for me and one guy did.
I went over to the closest pool table of the four in this section of the loft. In the center of the room was a short bar, with mostly guys sitting at it. I grabbed a cue and the chalk and started to chalk the tip, looking around for who I was to play. A guy didn’t know, sauntered over to me and said, “you’re playing me?”
“Yeah, I guess so. Do you want to break?”
“No, no, ladies first… you go ahead.” I heard the regular players groan, but no one said anything.
I placed the cue ball a little off center and hit a clean break, and sunk three balls. My opponent groaned.
One by one, I pointed to a pocket, named the number of the ball and easily placed each ball in the intended pocket. Finally down to just the 8 ball, I pointed to the far corner and shot the ball cleanly into the pocket.
The guy looked stunned and said, “I didn’t even get a chance to shoot.”
I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Sorry…”
The next guy up nervously took up a cue stick. I racked the balls.
“Do you want to break?” I asked.
“No, go ahead”. This time everyone yelled, “no, don’t let her break!”
I turned and glared at them all and they just laughed.
I turned back and said, “Seriously, if you want to break, it’s fine with me.”
“Okay,” he said.
He seemed very nervous; his hands slipped and it was a weak break.
My turn and I sunk three balls. Someone suggested a bank shot, which I tried and missed. My opponent seemed relieved and a little less nervous. He sunk two balls and missed the third. I then cleared the table.
Opponent number three walked forward and seemed a little more confident than the last one and I knew he had been watching all this time. He immediately said he would break, and I backed away, with my hands up, to let him go. He sunk one ball and easily sunk three more balls. I smiled and nodded approvingly. He smiled back, and then missed his next shot. I sunk three balls and missed my next one. He tried to do a fancy bank shot and missed. I bent over to take my next shot and looked around at everyone now watching us. I glanced over at Fats, the best pool table in the place. He just laughed and gestured for me to go for it. So I again cleared the table. My opponent whistled and then laughed.
“Is there anyone she can’t beat?”
“Just Fats”, I said.
“And sometimes she even beats the pants off of me…”, said Fats, who came over and put his arm around me, “…isn’t that right, baby?”
Someone else called out, “who’s next?”
“Not me,” I said, “I’m done.”
“I’m going home now.. but thanks, it was fun.”
I put my cue stick back in the rack, waved to everyone and headed down the back stairs. When I got back downstairs, I retrieved my purse from the back of the bar and headed for the door.
Just before I got to the end of the bar, Rodney grabbed me and pulled me to him, just like almost every night when I was trying to leave. It had become a dreaded ritual with him.
“Hey, Cindi, how about tonight, will you come home with me tonight?” he asked.
I pushed myself away from his grip and said, “No, Rod.. not tonight, not ever. How many times do I have to tell you that?”
I pulled away and spun around to head back towards the door only to find myself running into what felt like a brick wall. A brick wall with gorgeous golden green-brown eyes and long eyelashes. They took my breath away.
The face attached to these eyes were not bad, either. In fact, it was beautiful; strong chin, kind of a pouty lower lip, a dimple just below his cheek, long curly blond hair and those amazing eyes.
His hands caught me as I spiraled into him and he looked down into my eyes and just said, “Hi”….
“Hi”, I said back.
His eyes and expression got a little more serious…
“You can’t leave…”
“You haven’t danced with me yet. Please, just one dance.” And held up one finger for emphasis.
In 2006 I had a hysterectomy and my female doctor told me to say goodbye to a sex life, that most women who have this lose their sex drive completely. I bought into that. No one told me that medications I had been on since 2000 (anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, sleeping pills and later lots of pain pills) would actually be the cause. It was the old idea of: “you’re over 50, what would you want to have sex for anyway, be happy it’s over!!”
When I finally decided that enough was enough in 2011 and decided go off of all meds, which took me two years of tapering down, I really didn’t know what to expect and frankly, at that point, sex was the least of my concerns.
But in 2013, while I lie on the couch shaking in pain from severe withdrawal, I discovered quite by accident that by masturbating until I achieved an orgasm greatly helped my pain. Now, up this point, I had rarely had an orgasm, so this was amazing.
Once I finally was able to get up off the couch and get back on the computer, I started researching why this was happening.. why now, at this point in my life. Shouldn’t sex be the last thing on my mind?
What I learned astounded me. And royally pissed me off. The things the doctors told me were wrong. All the things I learned in my 20’s and 30’s were wrong. The things we were taught as young girls in the 60’s were WRONG!!
All of this has led to a six year study of human sexuality and the realization that what is being taught to kids and adults about sex is STILL wrong. And they wonder why people are so messed up. This is one very good reason.