What’s Your View on Self Love?

Photo by Eternal Happiness on Pexels.com

And what is your definition of self love?

It could be body acceptance.

It could caring for yourself physically.

It could be solo sex and masturbation.

My view on self love is all three. It took me a long time to get there for any of them.

I still struggle with body acceptance. Most of my life I’ve always hated and been ashamed of my body. I’ve always had a belly, even when I was thin. My boobs have always been big and saggy, even when I was young. Since I was taught to be ashamed of sex, I was also taught to be ashamed of my body. A bra strap showing as scandalous as it tell the whole world that you had boobs, that you had to be ashamed of and had to hide them away. In those days we covered ourselves in as many layers as possible so that roaming hands couldn’t get to the goodies. We wear a bra and panties, a garter belt or girdle, stockings until pantyhose became popular but still wore a girdle to keep that damn belly under control. If you had your period, you also wore a menstrual belt and pad since maxi pads hadn’t been invented yet. Over all of that you wore a slip, half slip or pettipants. And then a dress or skirt and sweater and another sweater over it all. No wonder we hated our bodies… you couldn’t see it or feel it, it was all hidden under layers of stuff. At least we usually won when we played strip poker!!

Things are much different for me these days, as I sit here typing this while I’m naked. I wish I had the confidence then, that I have now. Maybe my sex and love life would have been so much better.

Next is caring for yourself and it’s taken a long time for me to even understand that means. For years it meant buying every beauty product that was advertised. In those days, I wore tons of eye make up… black liner (upper and lower) topped with white liner, drawn on lower lashes (this was the era of Twigger) and fake upper lashes, lots of black mascara, eye shadow. My eyes looked great and I got lots of compliments, but was this really caring for myself? There were daily trips to the gym and to the gynecologist for birth control pills, to the doctor for diet pills. In the bathroom shaving your legs and pits (hairless pubes wasn’t a thing yet. I took dance classes and then danced every night at a club. Was this caring for myself?

I no longer wear make up of any kind.. I’ve gotten lazy in my old age. I also don’t shave my legs anymore, mostly due to the damage on both. And instead of birth control pills and diet pills I have to take heart pills and blood thinners. Old age is such a joy. And sadly, I can no longer dance or work out, just walking to the bathroom is a work out for me, as walking as become so painful.

And finally solo sex and masturbation. Finally something I can still do and even excel at. When I was younger, sex was evil and banned and masturbation was even worse. Good girls didn’t touch themselves. Good girls didn’t let anyone else touch them either. All of that was suppose to be saved for your husband to enjoy, but not you. Such fucking bullshit.

I’m still pissed that was taught those insane ideas. I resent that I wasn’t able to enjoy my sex life with male partners simply out of guilt. Of course, none of them seem to notice as they were simply out to get laid and my consent and enjoyment was not required.

I didn’t masturbate until about 10 years and I haven’t stopped since. I bought my first vibrator shortly after and have no gone through four of them. I have only had a few physical relationships with men since my age of awakening and I was pleasantly surprised that men, especially men who engage in BDSM, seem to be more receptive to women’s sexual needs. Not all, some are still selfish oafs that belong in the dark ages. But much more than I expected.

My attitudes about self love have obviously changed over the years, which is to be expected. I just wish I knew then what I know now.

THE NAKED TRUTH

Art by Picasso

According to a 19th century legend, the Truth and the Lie meet one day. The Lie says to the Truth: “It’s a marvellous day today”! The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful. They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriving beside a well. The Lie tells the Truth: “The water is very nice, let’s take a bath together!” The Truth, once again suspicious, tests the water and discovers that it indeed is very nice. They undress and start bathing. Suddenly, the Lie comes out of the water, puts on the clothes of the Truth and runs away. The furious Truth comes out of the well and runs everywhere to find the Lie and to get her clothes back. The World, seeing the Truth naked, turns its gaze away, with contempt and rage. The poor Truth returns to the well and disappears forever, hiding therein, its shame. Since then, the Lie travels around the world, dressed as the Truth, satisfying the needs of society, because, the World, in any case, harbours no wish at all to meet the naked Truth.

~ Author unknown

Fatshaming

1venuswillindorflarge

A friend of mine, who is usually so caring and open minded, but hates Donald Trump, posted a picture of a very fat woman wearing “Trump 2020” bikini on a comment on my Facebook page.

I was hurt, angry and frustrated. We are in the middle of BLM and Gay Pride Month but fatshaming is still an acceptable thing to make fun of.. that and “old people sex”, the latter will be the subject of another blog post.

1meart

Being heavy or fat is not a character flaw. Not like being racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic… those are character flaws.

1mermaidwhale

People will argue that being fat is a choice just like being racist is, but they are wrong. Being fat is apart of who we are, just those who are tall or short, disabled, or have dark skin or blue eyes.

1seagoddess

Being fat is not due to laziness and sloth.. just like Hispanics are not rapists and black people are not thugs and Native Americans are not drunks. But this is how a lot of people who identify with these characteristics are perceived to be.

Making fun of others doesn’t make you better. It just shows your weakness and flaws. Making fun of fat people and fatshaming them doesn’t make you thinner either.

Yes, I make fun of people who follow Donald Trump or who are conservative Christians because those are choices they make and whose policies hurt me and others. But I never make fun of their bodies, size, weight or what they wear. Only on their attitude and behavior.

My being fat doesn’t hurt anyone else. Anyone else being fat doesn’t hurt anyone else. My being fat doesn’t enact policies that hurt others.

Just like in BLM, Gay Rights and non-Christian religions, fat people just want the same rights as everyone has. And that includes the right to live without being made fun of.

1hildaphone