Bedtime Ritual


Prompt: Describe your bedtime ritual

I know most women have long, drawn out bedtime rituals; you see them all the time on sitcoms and memes… especially if she is a wife and mother. Putting the children to bed, doing the dishes and laundry, having five minutes of sex with her husband, getting up to take a shower, do her hair, putting on night cream… on and on and on.

I’ve never done any of those things. Chores happened during the day because in the evenings I was usually teaching a class or something.

I’ve never done the night cream stuff, even now, I don’t use anything on my face other than baby shampoo and water. The only time I use any kind of cream is when I get a flare up of hives. The rest of the time nothing.

So all I do before I go to bed, is to strip down naked and crawl into bed. Even that was difficult for me; not the being naked part, but crawling into bed.

I’ve always had a problem with going to bed at night, ever since I was 9 and was sexually molested by a male babysitter. Since it took place in my bed, I equated bed and bad pain together. I was okay about sleeping on the couch, or sleeping during the day, but night and my bed equaled scary pain. 

I got to the point where I started staying up all night, starting when I was about 15 and sleeping all day. This was difficult when I was in school and I’m sure it contributed to my lack of educational achievement. After graduation, I worked in a job where I could work at night and that was perfect for me. I did have jobs later where I needed to work during the day, and I adapted to that somewhat, sometimes I would still stay up all night, go to work and sleep after work. 

Now I’m retired and I don’t have to get up at any specific time, which helps, that is until I got sick and now have to revolve my schedule around doctors and home visiting nurses. Sadly, they don’t do appointments at 3am.

I finally bought a new bed that has a wonderfully soft mattress and that has helped greatly, along with a medication that I’m not thrilled to be taking, but it does help with the anxiety.

Even still, I stay up until my brain just can’t focus or function anymore and my body aches that tell me its had enough and then I get up, turn off the lights, visit the bathroom to pee, go into my bedroom, undress and crawl into bed. And hope that I will sleep without nightmares and night terrors, without having to get up too often to pee yet again and hope for the best. 

Things have improved somewhat… I no longer have to toss and turn for 2-4 hours before drifting off to sleep. And I give the credit for that for that wonderful mattress and necessary evil that is medication.

2 thoughts on “Bedtime Ritual

  1. I’m so sorry that you have had to struggle with bad memories that mar your sleep. I’m glad that you are finding some help with the meds and the mattress.

    I’m also a woman who doesn’t do the creams, lotions and potions. Soap and water does me nowadays.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m also happy that I’m finally finding some relief. Now if the doctors would get off of the PCAP kick, I could relax more. My mother always told me that when I got older my skin and hair would become drier. I’m still waiting for that to happen.


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