Death and Dying


One of the hardest things about getting older is that more and more people die. Every day, now, it seems like that I hear of one more person that I either know or is related or connected to a friend.

To everyone who is hurting, I’m truly sorry that you are suffering. I wish there were words that could help.

By the time you reach my age, most of us have lost our parents, although my dad is still living. Some of us have lost spouses. Some have lost children. Many have lost friends and that’s hard enough.

There is a lot of pain in getting older and saying good bye is one of the worst.

This is one of the things that needs to be taught and isn’t. Most people don’t know how to react when they hear about a death.

They think they have to say something “helpful” that usually ends up being nothing but platitudes.

Others are afraid of saying the wrong thing so they don’t say anything at all. Way too many people are so terrified about death they won’t talk about it under any circumstances.

In 2001 I started an email group about death and dying with the goal of helping people over their fear of death and dying. It did help.. just talking about it.

Many people are very hurt by their friend’s silences. I understand that very well and experienced that too. When I lost my first child, in the 5th month of pregnancy, all of my friends avoided me, because they didn’t know what to say. That hurt me badly. When a mutual friend lost her daughter the following year, I lectured our friends and told them not to do to her what they did to me. If they had nothing to say, they could at least listen. When a third friend lost her daughter, just after my own daughter died, a fourth friend said she couldn’t deal with the three of us anymore; we were “cursed” and she didn’t want her daughter to die too. She really believed that death of daughters was contagious.

This is pure ignorance. Unfortunately, there is way too many subjects that people need education in. Death is just one of them.

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