I am a writer, genealogist, a Humanist Pagan/Atheist, life long autodidactic student of world religions, history, anthropology, sexuality, body acceptance, trauma, and healing. This blog is about my life, studies, beliefs, and interests including art, culture, fashion, cuisine, health, challenges, sexuality and more.
Ignorance is a choice. There is no excuse to remain ignorant. These days there are so many options to learn… classes, libraries, bookstores, magazines, newspapers, online articles, ebooks.
Read. Research. Question. Learn.
I feel I need to add, don’t just read and research things that support your ideology because you could wrong. Read lots of things from various view points. Try to have an open mind about what you are reading and learning.
Ask if this is really true and where is the evidence to support it?
It takes me about a week to get one of these things done, but I enjoy doing it. I apologize for the format, still trying to get the hang of this editor.
What was your favorite food when you were a child? Macaroni and cheese and it still is my favorite food.
What’s the #1 most played song on your playlist? Kashmir by Led Zeppelin
What is one of your favorite quotes? If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy
What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity? All of my activities on my computer. Sex would be number two.
What chore do you absolutely hate doing? Going to bed. I think sleeping in such a waste of time. I have a hard time getting to sleep, tend to have nightmares and night terrors, and resent having to get out of bed to pee once I finally get to sleep. Fortunately I’ve found two medications that help with sleep and a heated blanket to help with the peripheral neuropathy problems and help me sleep better. But I still don’t look forward to it.
What is your favorite form of exercise? Dance, but it’s not something I can do anymore. Does sex count?
What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? I am not a morning person. My favorite day of the week is Thursday, but I have no idea why. My favorite season is Autumn and I enjoy the months from September to December. By January, I’m ready to hibernate.
What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? Let’s see… cars? No that’s fine, it’s the one I use the most, despite the chance of another car accident. Trains? I enjoy that as long as I have a sleeper car. Airplanes? Once the plane takes off, I’m fine. It’s the process of getting to the airport, through the ticket gate and lining up to board. My dream is to at least once, fly first class and preferably to Paris Boats? I grew up around boats and my father use to build boats. I’ve been on salmon charter boats, row boats, ferry boats, speed boats and cruise ships Bike riding? No, I loved that. Wish I could do it again. I’ve never been in a helicopter, so maybe that’s my least favorite mode of transportation
What is your favorite body part? Depends, favorite for what? Probably my ass, it’s big, it’s round, it’s soft, so what’s not to love? Second would be my boobs. I remember in the past not appreciating my boobs, but I do now.
What sound do you love? The sound of waves. I live 2 blocks from the beach and sometimes I can hear the waves.
If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? A casual dinner party with lots of great food and wonderful music and interesting guests.
If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? Waves cresting on the beach, around smooth beach rocks, shells and seaweed.
If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? Age 24, with the knowledge I have now but the body I had then, which was thin and intact, where I could dance and skate and party.
If you knew the world was ending in 2020, what would you do differently? Nothing. I would continue doing what I’m doing until the last moment.
If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? Elizabeth Taylor. She lived life in her own way and under her own rules.
If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? Back to the year 800 when Charlemagne was crowned Holy Roman Emperor. I am descended from Charles the Great, which isn’t hard. If you can trace your family history to France and Germany, you probably are too.
If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? Anything? Anything at all? The ability to fly, levitate type flying. Just rising from the ground up into the sky and fly anywhere I want to go.
If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be? Writing, finishing and publishing a book. I am working on about a dozen or so ideas. Maybe one day I will finish one of them.
If you were immortal for a day, what would you do? What would be the point of being immortal for only one day? Essentially, it means nothing, since being immortal simply means you won’t die. Don’t we already do that every day?
If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? Cali or Xandra or Christiana
If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet? Elizabeth Taylor. I’ve been a fan of hers since I was 9. I use to imagine I was her long lost daughter, since I was born 7 months to the day after she married Nicki Hilton.
If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Buy a luxury condo in downtown Seattle, and then another one in San Francisco.
If you were reincarnated as an animal/drink/ice cream flavor, what would it be? A killer whale (Orca) to have the freedom to “fly” through the water.
If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be? “What is our purpose in life?”
If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Either Jo March from “Little Women” or Lagertha from “Vikings”
Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? When I was much younger, people said I reminded them of Hayley Mills, which thrilled me since I was a big fan of hers. Now I don’t think I resemble any celebrity but I’ve always said I’d like to have Cybill Shepherd to play me in a movie.
What do you want to be when you grow up? A published author would be my first choice. A photo-journalist. But I’m happy to just be a blogger.
When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? The same thing I do when I don’t have any free-time. All of my time is spent on the computer doing various things, including blogging.
What would you name the autobiography of your life? Ironically, one of the books I’m working on IS an autobiography and it’s called Cindiology.
What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life? I have a whole playlist that is the soundtrack of my life; Windy Let It Go (from Frozen) You Belong to the City Rhiannon Touch of Gray Travelin’ Soldier We Built This City Lights For What It’s Worth Summer of ‘69 Maggie May Ooh Child Imagine Close to You Girls Just Wanna Have Fun I’m Coming Out Live To Tell Holding Back the Years Her Town Too Hold On Dizzy I Am Woman
Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? When I caught my boyfriend in bed with another girl. I was 20, pregnant and we had planned to get married. I kind of knew he was not ready for marriage and fatherhood; he was only 19. And I guess this was his way of getting out of it all and it worked. I walked out on him. I remember him running behind me as I drove away. When I got home my phone was ringing and I knew it was him. I picked up my phone and he immediately blurted out “I can explain, it’s not what is looked like”. I screamed, “It’s over! I never want to see you again!” Three weeks later I had a miscarriage. Forty years later we reconnected online and I had a chance to see what I was fortunate enough to get out of. He hated his four children, he had been married four times, he still was an uneducated now as he was then, he was sexists and racist and he was a Trump voter and fan.
What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to? My niece’s wedding reception. They went all out with an amazing dinner and lots of dancing. It was a blast and 15 years later we still talk about it.
What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? It’s always Beaches, and it’s always Steel Magnolias.
What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Bury a child and go through drug withdrawal.
What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? Bury a child and going through drug withdrawal.
What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? Not obeying my father. His word was law and when I was really young, I disagreed. Over time I was broken to obey his word. Unfortunately, being told that I needed to “obey” all authority figures (which my mind meant all males) allowed me to raped, sexually assaulted and sexually harassed repeatedly.
When was the last time you had an amazing meal? Chinese take out from the Dynasty Restaurant…. Hot and sour soup, cream cheese wontons, deep fried prawns, almond chicken, vegetable chow mein noodles
What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received? When my daughter died, friends and family members sent me angels as a remembrance. I put them all on an angel altar in her memory.
What do you miss most about being a kid? Someone taking care of my hair and telling me what to wear, paying the bills, driving me where I need to go, cooking my food and doing the dishes.
What is your first memory of being really excited? The day that Freddy and I discovered that we could sneak in the back down of the shoe store and play with the shoes. The manager was not as thrilled and excited that as we were. I was not even two yet.
What was the first thing you bought with your own money? My first job was working in a soda fountain in a drug store when I was about 16. I bought a TV, a stereo and lots of clothing.
When was the last time you were nervous? Last week when I was going to a doctor appt. I had come up a plan on how to deal with my pain issues and I wasn’t sure the doctor would agree with it. Fortunately, she did.
What is something you learned in the last week? That people only care about me as long as I do what they want me to do.
What story does your family always tell about you? My dad’s favorite: I was about three and we had a floor lamp that was next to a chair. I was shaking that lamp back and forth and dad told me stop and leave it alone. I looked at him and shook it again. He told me again to leave it alone or I was get spanked. I looked him in the eye in defiance and shook it again. True to his word, he grabbed and swatted my butt several times. Screaming and crying I walked back over to the lamp and shook it hard and then threw it on the floor. My dad was so shocked, and then he burst into laughing. He knew he had to find a new way to discipline me. He rarely spanked me after that.
7. At what age did you become an adult? Physically, I was nine, when I was first introduced to sex and male anatomy when I was molested by a 15 year male babysitter. When I was 14 I was Raped by a boyfriend. In both, oral sex was forced on me and it would take decades before I was willing to give any man a blow job. Mentally, I was 25, when I realized what I needed and wanted as an adult. Emotionally, I’m still waiting for it to happen.
8. What book(s) are you reading? Rage by Bob Woodward Disloyal by Michael Cohen Melania and Me by Stephanie Winston Wolkoff The Room Where it Happened by John Bolton The Cult of Trump by Steven Hassan Just finished: Free Melania by Kate Bennett Art of Her Deal by Mary Jordan Too Much and Never Enough by Mary Trump Trump on the Couch by Justin A Frank All The President’s Women by Lavene and El-Faizy Seige by Michael Wolff Trumpocracy by David Frum A Very Stable Genius by Rucker and Leonig A Warning by Anonymous Fear by Bob Woodward Fire and Fury by Michael Wolff Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton What Happened by Hillary Rodham Clinton Becoming by Michelle Obama
9. Where were you five years ago? Much different than I am now. In 2015, I could still walk and drive. We didn’t really take Donald Trump seriously when he said he was running for President and we just knew he would never win. I did a lot more traveling where now I’m pretty much homebound, like so many.
10. If someone wanted to really understand you, what should they read, watch and listen to? Well, first, they should read my blog. Second they should read the books on my reading list. They should watch my own home videos since they chronicle much of my life. And they should list to all of my music playlists. I don’t believe any one thing would do it, and like most things you need to investigate a variety of sources.
11. Are you religious or spiritual? I use to be, although I started questioning biblical teachings when I was nine, something my Sunday school teachers didn’t care for. My father was/is an Atheist, but my mother was a Methodist and sent us to the Methodist church. As I got older, I keep looking for answers. I switched denominations a lot… Lutheran, Unitarian, Episcopalian, Catholic and Evangelistic. None of them answered my questions or felt like home. I kept trying to have that feeling of “having a personal relationship with Jesus and God”. It never happened. I even tried theology classes with the idea of being a minister but that just created more questions that others either couldn’t or wouldn’t answer. When my daughter died, the Evangelistic church I was a member of shunned me. When nothing changed after three months, I walked away and turned my back on Christianity. I became a Pagan, first as a Christian-Wiccan, and then a Wiccan, then an eclectic Pagan, and then a Humanist Pagan, which I still identify with, but basically I am now just an Atheist.
12. Do you love easily? No, but I do lust easily. Every man I see I wonder what he would look like naked and how he would be sexually. But love? I’m not even sure I know what that is.
This is one of those recipes that was handed down from my grandmother to my mother. But I really learned how do it better from a woman whose children I used to babysit.
I know most bloggers post much fancier type foods, more ethnic cuisines, or fusion, or Julia Child French recipes.
But mine is more cottagecore, basic, comforting, easy to do, and traditional.
1 pound stew meat 1 tablespoon shortening kitchen bouquet 1/4 cup flour garlic powder, salt, pepper 2 cups water 1 beef bouillon cube 1-2 whole bay leaves 1 onion, quartered 4-6 peeled potatoes, cut up and quartered 6-10 carrots, peeled and cut up 1/2 cup cold water
Melt shortening in Dutch oven, and add Kitchen bouquet. Mix flour with garlic, salt and pepper and coat raw stew beef. (Store leftover flour in refrigerator until time to make gravy). Saute meat in shortening until browned. Add 2 cups of water, the bouillon cube and bay leaves, and simmer for 2-3 hours. Add 2 cups more water and the onion, potatoes, and carrots and cook on medium for about an hour, until vegetables are tender. Remove vegetables from the Dutch oven to make gravy. Mix 1/2 cup cold water with leftover flour mixture with a whisk until smooth. Gradually add hot broth to flour/water mixture, stirring in between additions. Slowly pour back into rest of broth in Dutch oven and stir and cook until thick and bubbly. Carefully return vegetables to Dutch oven and heat through. Serve with tossed salad and homemade biscuits and ice-cold milk.