Holding On pt6

Semi-Erotic Fiction Based on True Events

Holding On pt5


I watched him sleep, with his eyes closed and long lashes dusting his cheek. I almost couldn’t resist touching him, tracing the crinkly laugh lines around his eyes, the dimples below his cheeks, around his lips. I knew if I touched him, he would wake up. Could I risk it? We had made love twice… can you actually call this making love when it’s someone you just met, and when you don’t even know his last name? Was I falling in love with this gorgeous man, when I didn’t want to? And was I sure I didn’t want to?

I decided to risk touching him again… would he respond? Would having sex three times in one night be too much? Only one way to find out.

I carefully and lightly, touched his eyelids, and traced down from his eyes, down the bridge of his nose and to his lips, and around his lower lip when I saw a slow smile come to his mouth. He was awake, a little anyway… I put my fingers on his lips and he opened his mouth and hungrily sucked them into his mouth and playfully bit down on them.

“Owe…” I cried, pulling my fingers back out quickly.

“That’s what you get for putting them in my mouth,” he said, laughing.

“Geez, I’m glad that wasn’t my tit!”

“Oh, you mean like this?”

He pushed me on to my back and grabbed my breast and put his mouth around the nipple sucking on it and twirling his tongue back and forth making it hard and erect.

I reached for him, but he quickly grabbed my hands, pulling them over my head and held them together with one hand, while moving his mouth from my breast to my lips, kissing them softly, lightly and then covering my mouth with his, his tongue darting in and out, his kisses getting heavier and more demanding, and his other hand back down to my other breast, teasing that nipple with his thumb and finger.

He moved his hand down to my pubic area, and teasingly and lightly touched me, just as I had done to him, then walking his fingers down through my pubic hair until he reached labia, where he softly rubbed the edges and then placed two fingers inside my cunt until he found the little button of my clitoris. Until now we hadn’t taken the time to explore this part of my inner body, we hadn’t needed to. But this time David took the time, and I thought I would go crazy just by the mere slight touch of the tip. Then he moved to the sides and stroked one side than the other with one finger. It was a good thing he was holding me down because I started to buck and then felt my eyes roll back into my head until I quieted down and didn’t move for fear I was going to miss something so delightful. I couldn’t believe something so simple felt so good.

He pulled himself over on top of me, spreading my legs apart with his own and pushing his very hard and erect cock into my waiting pussy. I hadn’t even touched him this time and he was more than ready for me. This time David took the lead and teasingly touched me ways that made me tremble, gasp and sigh.

He pinned me down, touching and kissing, but I instinctively knew he wouldn’t do anything that I didn’t want, and that he would stop if I ever asked.

No music to make love to this time, just our heavy breathing and the pounding of our heartbeats. His voice in my ear is almost musical, a voice I know I would remember for the rest of my life. He whispered words of love, of encouragement, his words lingered on my soul and my heart, and I can’t decide which I am loving more.. his voice or his touch.

The intensity went from hot and heavy to soft and easy, from strong thrusts to soft, light kisses, teasing my lips, my tongue, my breasts, my nipples. He pinned my legs down, my arms, my body, it was quite obvious he wanted to be in charge this time. I happily let him. He seemed quite happy to take his time and do it all his way, and I lost all track of time, just enjoying his hard erection moving in and out, his hands everywhere, his hot kisses almost everywhere. I lost myself in his kisses. And then I lost myself in his eyes.

Suddenly he was moving faster, everywhere and when I least expected it, fireworks exploded in my body and in my head, and I felt like I had moved up off of the bed and I was floating back down with David still in me and on me and around me and touching me, and I opened my eyes see him looking down at me, smiling, my arms are now around his neck and my legs are wrapped around his body holding him to me, not wanting to ever let him go.

“Are you okay?”

“Okay? Oh, yes, very. What did you do? It was all like a dream.”

“I have some tricks of my own…” he said, his words trailing off, as he kisses me softly again. I put my hands on the sides of his face, touching him again, back to where I started.

I thought, who is this guy? He is like a magic man of some kind. Can a touch really do this much, take you out completely out of the realm of the living and to the stars, to heaven?

TMI Tuesday: April 7, 2020: Covid 19

1. If you are self-isolating, under lockdown orders, or quarantined, what is your main daily activity?

It’s really not any different from before we had this quarantine order. I didn’t venture out much in the first place, I’ve always stayed home so I’m doing what I always do… I read, do research, lots of writing, blogging, listen to music, connect online with friends on social media.

2. Would you rather be alone for the rest of your life or always be surrounded by annoying people?

I would rather be alone. I finally came to the realization that I’m an introvert. I would appreciate being able to communicate with people, just not have them in my space.

3. Would you rather never use social media sites/apps again or never watch another movie or TV show?

That’s pretty easy for me… I don’t watch much TV anyway, so giving up movies and TV shows wouldn’t be a huge problem for me. But losing social media would. As frustrated as I get with Facebook, I wouldn’t want to be without it, or something like it. Maybe someone will bring back a good version of Myspace.

4. Would you rather live in a utopia as a normal person or in a dystopia but you are the supreme ruler?

As far as I’m concerned we are currently living in a dystopia with a supreme ruler wannabe, so I’m much rather opt for being a normal person even in a normal world. Wouldn’t even have to be utopia.

5. Are humans better at creation or destruction?

Without question, destruction. Too many are way too shortsighted to even see what they are doing.

Bonus: Would you rather find your true love or a suitcase with five million dollars inside?

At the moment I’m pretty cynical about love, so I’ll take the suitcase with the five million, please.



Bored Nevermore: 1001 Things To Do

Read a book; re-read one you already own, buy a new one online or from a bookstore, check out second hand stores and garage sales, check one out from the library, read one online (google free ebooks), download ones from Lulu.com for a free or just a few dollars, newspapers, foreign newspapers online.
Write a poem; write a story; write a book; sign up for NaNoWriMo = National Novel Writing Month every November and write a 50,000 page novel in 30 day.
Organized your favorite images, projects and memories on Pinterest.com
Create fashion, decorating and art sets on Fashmate.com
Create a blog for an online journal. Create a handwritten journal, a photo journal, a memories journal, a positive thoughts journal (I have one I call my Sunshine Journal), art journal, altered books.
Create a forum for a topic that is close to your heart.
Remember your childhood: games(jump rope, kick the can, hopscotch), toys (Barbies, Tiny Tears, bikes), foods (macaroni and cheese, apple dumplings, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup), music, books (Trixie Beldon, Little Women, Baby Island), people, places (Greenlake, Ravenna Park, Dairy Queen, Woolworths). Write them all down, add photos and drawings, recipes, and put together as a book (Publish on Lulu.com).
Collect dolls (I get most of mine from garage sales and eBay); make dolls (fabric, clay, crochet); repaint dolls (I once got a whole bag of used Barbie’s for a dollar at a garage sale), make new doll clothing by sewing or crocheting, buy or make paper dolls (there are tons of online sites for these).
Study different religions. You don’t have to convert, just to understand. Fear and hate grow from not understanding.
Doodle, sketch, draw, paint, collage, mosaic.
Knit, crochet, needlepoint, cross-stitch, bead. Make things for yourself, family members, friends, for charity.
Cook and bake, try new recipes, cuisines, techniques.
Take pictures of people, things, places, colors, contrasts.
Trace your family history, learn about the places and times that involved your ancestors, trace your family’s medical history, compile family favorite recipes into a cookbook.
Make scrapbooks about your family, friends, yourself, pets, places, things, times.
Reminisce, write your life story, write your mom’s story.
Create a personal meditation or prayer book.
Learn healing techniques such as reiki, crystal therapy, aromatherapy, meditation, colors, yoga.
Study about something that is new to you: science, history, religions, art, geography.
Learn a new language.. from your favorite country, sign language or even a created language such as Vulcan or Tolkien.
Listen to music; rock and roll, classical, ethnic, new age, holiday… I love to explore the ones on You Tube, Pandora, Last.fm, radio-locator.com, google play, Amazon, Spotify, iheartradio, find lyrics to your favorite songs
Plan a party, trip or holiday, even if you never actually do it. For parties, determine the theme, decorations, menu, music, fantasy guest list. For a vacation; decide where you would want to go, what you would eat there, what you would see, bits of a language you need to learn, what things you would buy to bring home. For a holiday, research one that is new to you such as Diwali, Ramadan or Hina Matsuri. Turn these into scrapbooks, journals, blogs…
Feng shui your house, or a room, or your yard and garden. Rearrange furniture, paint a wall.
Keep a nature journal. Track weather and temperatures, wildlife, trees, flowers…
Design a garden: herb, flowers, vegetables, water…
Have a movie night; stream movies from Netflix, Hulu or Amazon or borrow movies from the library.
Practice some Random Acts of Kindness; make blankets for charity, volunteer, donate blood, pick up trash, make something (cookies, casserole) for a neighbor, write a letter to long lost friend, call someone just because, compliment someone, smile at everyone.
Take a nap, veg out watching old movies..
Really get into Twilight, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, or some other book/movie (read the books, watch the movies, and visit all of the online sites).
Things to do online;
play games such as Bejeweled, Second Life, IMVU
watch videos (You Tube, Vimeo)
watch TV shows on Hulu.com
visit and chat using Skype, Zoom or Houseparty
read; blogs, forums, newspapers from foreign countries, books on Kindle
research anything and everything
write a poem, a story, a memory, an essay, an article, a blog post
study history, science, literature, all the things you learned and school and have forgotten
learn something new, find tutorials, instructions, how to’s, videos (YouTube, TedTalks, ehow.com, wikihow.com, instructables.com)
listen to podcasts
meditate to an online video, to music, to nature sounds
organize and save photos (Flickr, Photobucket, Snapfish, Amazon)
ask a question and find the answer
join a Facebook group
shop for anything, but do your homework before you hand over your credit card number, compare sites, check for reviews
explore Google earth
create a webpage or blog or a video log (vlog)
read and watch current events and news from around the world, all of the stories that your local news and CNN ignores
find a recipe, learn to cook
publish a book on a Publish on Demand, even if it’s just for you… a story, a memory, photos, recipes, poetry
alter photographs
find antique and vintage photos and learn the history behind them
view webcams and travel without having to leave home
watch documentaries
list books you own (librarything.com, shelfari.com, http://www.goodreads.com/)
make a bucket list on listography.com
view art and post your own on deviantart.com or behance.net
learn new art techniques on YouTube, drawspace.com, artyfactory.com
download ebooks
make a wishlist on Amazon.com
send ecards
take classes or go back to school online
make a photo slideshow
print out paper dolls
create online dolls (stardoll.com, elouai.com)
take a quiz and create your own quiz
try new yoga asanas, or chair exercises or tai chi
sell something on eBay or Amazon.com
Still bored? Try this site… http://www.bored.com/

Discover Prompts, Day 5: Dish

Many of us have powerful memories of a specific dish from our past. What’s yours?

When I was in high school, a friend planned a midnight dinner for after a school dance. She served French Dip Sandwiches, Fruit Salad and Chocolate Layer Cake. I’ve used this same menu whenever I’ve made French Dips, for the past 50 years, but I’ve added broccoli salad and a tossed green salad to the menu.


French Dip Sandwiches

1 Sirloin Tip or Top Sirloin Roast
1 package of dry onion soup mix
1 cup of water
1 tablespoon Kitchen Bouquet

(Method 1): Place roast into a crock pot early in the day (about 10 AM). Mix water and Kitchen Bouquet together and pour over the roast. Sprinkle onion soup over the top. Cover and cook on “high” for 6-8 hours.

(Method 2): Place roast in a roasting pan and follow the directions above for the liquids and the dry soup. Fold a piece of foil in a tent shape and place on top of the roast. Cook in a 300 degree oven set at bake for 2 hours for rare beef, or 2-3 hours for well-done.

Remove roast from cooking pan onto a wooden cutting board and let “rest” for 20 minutes. Prepare a package of Au Jus mix according to package directions. Slice the roast into thin slices and serve on French rolls cut in half. Serve Au Jus in small bowls to dip the sandwich into.

Serve with tossed green salad, broccoli salad and fruit salad, and chocolate cake for dessert.

Broccoli Salad

2-3 brunches of fresh broccoli
1/2 sweet onion
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1/2 cup bacon, crumbled
1 cup mayo
1/2 cup sugar
2-3 tablespoons red wine vinegar

Make the dressing first, whisk the sugar into the mayo and then add the vinegar. Refrigerate while you make the salad.

Cut up the broccoli into small flowers. I usually discard the stems, but if you like that part, cut those up too. Chop the onion, either thick or fine. Mix the broccoli flowers, onion, cheese, bacon bits, and sunflowers. Add the dressing and mix together. This salad actually takes better the next day, so I usually make it ahead of time. You can also add raisins or green grapes. Some people add Mandarin orange slices or chopped apple.

Easy Fruit Salad

1 can drained mixed tropical fruit
1 or 2 sliced bananas
1 or 2 peeled or unpeeled red apples, chopped
1 can drained mandarin oranges
1 can pineapple chunks
1/2 cup whipping cream, shipped and sweetened

Mix drained fruit and fold in whipped cream. This can also be served without cream and substituted with about 1/3 cup carbonated soda water, such as 7-Up or Sprite.

Tossed Green Salad

Your choice of salad greens
Sliced raw tomatoes marinated in Italian dressing and then chopped
Thinly sliced red onion slices, mushrooms, and radishes
Chopped green onions, white and green parts
Chopped black and green olives

Mix together and served with your favorite dressing or a variety of dressings both cream based and oil based.

Dark Chocolate Cake

1 3/4 cup flour
2 cups sugar
3/4 cup baking cocoa
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup boiling water

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease and flour a 13 x 9 inch baking dish. Combine the dry ingredients in a large mixer bowl. Add the eggs, milk, oil, and vanilla. Beat for two minutes at medium speed. Stir in the boiling water. The Batter Will Be Thin. Pour into the prepared baking dish and bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool and frost with your favorite frosting.

Chocolate Fudge Frosting

4 squares unsweetened baking chocolate
1/2 cup butter (1 cube)
1 pound powdered sugar
1/2 cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla

In a small saucepan over low heat, combine chocolate and butter. Slowly melt, stirring gently. In a medium bowl, combine sugar, milk, and vanilla and beat until smooth. Add chocolate/butter mixture. Set pan in bowl of ice. Beat until thick. Spread one layer, top with second cake layer and spread frosting evenly over entire cake.






A to Z Blogging Challenge 2020 Health: D is for Depression

I’ve been treated for depression off and on since I was nine. Treatment has ranged from just trying to ignore it to self medicating to therapy and counseling to medications. Some of it works for a while, but it’s an ongoing to battle.

What is depression?

“Unlike the blues, sadness, or even grief, depression is a condition in which a person feels an overwhelming and debilitating unhappiness. People who are depressed may have trouble thinking clearly and be unable to perform normal functions. They may be uninterested in eating and be unable to sleep, or they may engage in these activities excessively. Persons with depression may even have thoughts of suicide.”

For some people depression can cause feelings of lethargy or anger and irritability… it can affect each person differently, which makes it hard to treat. So far there is not a physical test, like blood tests, to diagnose if you might be depressed. So it takes communication and observation by your doctor to help make that determination.

What Causes Depression?

“Although depression can be triggered by an emotional event in a person’s life, a decrease in the levels of one of the neurotransmitters, serotonin, has been linked in the biology of depression.”

“The brain is composed of millions of interconnecting nerve cells called neurons. In order for a person to think, move, or feel, these neurons must communicate with one another. They do so by sending and receiving chemical messengers called neurotransmitters.

When a neurotransmitter is released from a neuron, it crosses a cleft, or synapse, and binds to a receptor on another neuron; thus the signal is passed on.”

How to treat depression?

Treatment ranges from medications such as Zoloft and Paxil to cognitive behavior therapies. Sometimes the best thing is to sit in a room with a therapist and just talk. Often both are used. There are some natural remedies that some doctors approve of (check with your doctor first) such as 5-HTP, B vitamins and St. John’s Wort. Other therapies that sometimes helps are treatments like biofeedback.

I have a list of suggestions that I turn to when depression hits me. These ideas are not meant to replace diagnosis and treatment from your doctor and/or mental health specialist. If any of these ideas appeal to you, it might be a good idea to talk to your doctors about them and get their input before including them in your health care routine. I’m also including things that can be done during self quarantines for Covid 16, and many instructions can be found online.


Yoga. The ultimate mind/body exercise, you stretch yourself physically and mentally in yoga class. Between the deep breathing and asanas, both can make a difference in how you feel.

Meditate, Chant or Pray. Whether it’s rosary beads or Buddhist chants, the rhythmic singsong cadence of repetitive prayer or mantras may have a calming effect on the heart, according to some studies. You can use relaxation or meditation audio tapes and find videos on YouTube.

Give to charity.  Volunteer at your local hospital, teach literacy classes, or dish up meals at the local shelter. Donate money and food to food banks. Offer to teach something online on YouTube.

Humor. Studies have suggested that humor can lower blood pressure and boost levels of natural feel-good chemicals known as endorphins. Read comic strips (my favorite is Pickles). Read comic books. Watch cartoons from your childhood (Rocky and Bullwinkle?). Watch stand up comedians like Robin Williams, George Carlin, Jeff Foxworthy, Amy Schumer, Tina Fey, Ellen DeGeneres, Carol Burnett.

Create a sanctuary.  A soft pillow and knitted throw on a favorite chair, can help to  neutralize stress. Surround yourself with favorite pictures and photos, plants, aromatherapy.

Drink Chamomile Tea. Or lavender tea. I love Yogi Honey Lavender tea and I can feel much more relaxed after drinking just one cup.


Play with a yoyo

Write a list of the 10 things you enjoyed most about today. Or are grateful for. (Do this each day)

Speak to People. Start with your family…. your partner, your kids, your parents, your siblings; by phone, by text, by email, on a video app. Talk to strangers on an online group. On chat apps on the phone such as Quarantine Chat 

Collage Therapy. Collect old magazines and even junk mail and cut up pictures or just colors and designs and glue onto poster board or an artist’s canvas about how you feel or how you would like to feel.

Coloring Therapy
Spend 30 minutes coloring with whatever colors call to you. This is a form of meditation, good for hand-eye coordination, slows down the mind, and brings out your inner child. I have an adult coloring book of fairies that I color using glitter gel pens.


Coloring Book

Journal – Keep a private journal where you can record events, your reactions to them, how you feel about situations, what you are learning. Do a blog. My blog works as my journal, but I also keep an autobiographical journal too, that someday will hopefully become a book for my grandchildren. You can keep an art journal. A photo journal. A nature journal.

Sing. Singing draws more oxygen into your body, enhances mental clarity, and reduces fatigue. Make a playlist on whatever music app you like best (I use Amazon) and make a playlist of your favorite songs that you like to sing along to. Turn it on full blast and sing at the top of your lungs.

Hydrotherapy which can be anything from showers and baths to saunas and hot tubs. I like to take hot showers and imagine my depression and anxiety being washed away and down the drain.

Bake bread. Making bread the old fashioned way helps with feelings of irritability and aggression when you have to spend 10 minutes kneading the dough. It become a good physical release and the reward is the smell of homemade bread baking in the oven. I understand there is a shortage of yeast these days because so many people are suddenly making bread at home. If you find that to be true, try fruit and veggie breads… banana bread, zucchini bread, carrot bread.

Plenty of sleep… go to bed earlier or take afternoon naps

Dance.. aerobics, ballet, bellydancing, or just move around the room to your favorite music.

Get a piece of stretched canvas and some acrylic paints and paint your feelings. Don’t worry what it looks like.

Make an adult blanket to cuddle with. Use a variety of soft fabrics; velvet, silk, satin, soft cotton… and sew them together as a crazy quilt.

Learn to play an instrument; piano, guitar, harp, cello, flute… provides a sense of accomplishment.

Plant and tend to a garden, even a container garden or herb garden.

Color raw rice with a few drops of one color of food coloring and a few drops of desired essential oil. Let sit and dry. Store in a low wooden box. This rice is very relaxing to play with, sift thru your fingers, fill small silver or wooden cups, pour out. Revert back to childhood.

Look at old photos, or better yet, put them in a scrapbook with colorful papers, stickers, die cuts, and journaling

Jump rope, and see how many of the rhymes from childhood that you remember.

Write a poem, about being sad, about being happy… write lots of poems, and keep them in a notebook.

Do a jigsaw puzzle

Blow bubbles

Learn how to juggle

Learn a language; French, Dutch, Japanese, Sign

Hug a Tree – Spending time with nature is my favorite way to feel better. Put on your hiking boots and get lost for a couple hours near a babbling brook. If you can’t get out of town, at least go for a barefoot run through the grasses in your yard.

Change your bed sheets – Order a new set of colorful bed linens to brighten up your bedroom. Crisp, clean, and colorful bed linens to curl up inside at bedtime will offer comfort when you most need it.

This last one I use to do with my daycare kids and I discovered that their parents would sit down for a bit when they were picking up their children and play with it too. I started making up and giving it to the parents as gifts. One told me she kept in her drawer at work.


1 cup flour
1 cup warm water
2 tsp. cream of tartar
1 tsp. cooking oil
1/4 cup salt
Essential oils of choice (One should obviously stay away from oils that could cause a serious problem to the skin, etc.). If color is desired food coloring or Kool-Aid powder work well. Kool-Aid also comes in a nice color variety:)

Mix all ingredients in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir until smooth. Remove dough from the pan and knead until blended smooth. If you want colors, add food coloring or a pinch of Kool-Aid now until the desired color is made. Let cool. Now to make it aromatic, roll the dough into a ball and push a hole in it with thumb. Add a few drops of an essential oil (usually 1-3 to start) and knead the dough thoroughly. Sniff. Keep doing this until you get the aroma you are looking for.

Here are some single EO’s and color ideas:

Brown — Cardamom, Frankincense or Cocoa Absolute
Orange — Tangerine or Bergamot
Yellow — Lemon or Lemon Balm
Green — Mimosa, Eucalyptus or Spikenard
Red — Rose or Geranium
Purple — Lavender
Blue — German Chamomile
Pink — Pink Grapefruit
White — Peppermint or Tea Tree

Lavender scented in a deep purple colored dough is wonderful!!

Make small quantities and use them as office toys. Why sit and squeeze a tennis ball or rub a worry stone etc., while on the phone when you can squish, squeeze, roll, pinch, mash, and sniff play dough?!



Going My Own Way

1MyPath (2)


For way too much of my life I’ve been a people pleaser… pretty much a doormat. I did want people wanted me to do. Did what people told me to do. I allowed people to gaslight me with guilt trips so that I would do what they wanted me to do. I allowed people to dump on me the feelings they couldn’t say to others, and once they dumped it there, it became my fault and not theirs.

Those days are over. I am now going my own way… forging my own path. Don’t like what I have to say, what I do, what I believe, what I think, especially if it is different from what you embrace? Well, that’s the way it goes. I’m not here to make you happy, to entertain you, to please you, to obey you. The only time that will ever happen is when I enter into a D/s relationship with someone and even then it’s MY decision to do so, based on four aspects… communication, consent, respect and responsibility.

But those four aspects should be a part of any relationship… parenting, marriage, love, friendship, neighbors, teachers and students. Why isn’t it?